From 2005 to 2009, I was the copywriter for the X-treme Geek retail catalog while it was owned by E-filliate, Inc. While a whole lot of my copy never saw print (editors: do we love 'em or what?), I managed to preserve some of my favorites, completely unadulterated, for display here. Most of these items are no longer for sale, so some of the pictuers will not be available. I apologize for any mysterious confusion.

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Heading Copy:
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn...

Alt Heading 1:
Practice Secret Swamp Cult Rituals at Your Desk with 12" Plush Cthulhu

Alt Heading 2:
Awaken Ancient Cthulhu with our Noxious 12" Plush Statuette

[All in italics]
4 May 1922
I cannot tell, my supervisor would think me mad. None shall believe this account of immemorial lunacy. Yet after my ten-minute break, the stars were right again and Great Cthulhu came forth, that unhallowed blasphemy that dreams beneath the sea. It slavered and gibbered as it rose above the unclean desktop flotsam like the stern of a daemon galleon. There is no language for such eldritch contradictions of matter, force and cosmic order! Death would be a boon if only it could blot out the memory. I see it... coming here... Yog Sothoth save me! The thing from the ngai... ygg...!



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